


Tree of Remembrance

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Warnings for loss of child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 09:26:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18808369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: There were no smiles or happy calls this Mother's Day.





	Tree of Remembrance

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my best friend and her little angel 🙏

A tense air filled the small house with a side of sadness that you could feel within your bones just stepping inside.   
  
There were no smiles or happy calls this Mother's Day.   
  
Nick stood in front of the kitchen sink, hands braced on the counter as he stared out into the tiny backyard.   
  
A single small tree sat blooming pink flowers in the corner of the yard, and sitting in front of it with her back to the window was Ellie, the reason Nick barely took his eyes away from the window.   
  
He rarely looked out the window and to that corner of the yard. If someone told him beforehand that a tree of all things could make his insides twist and cause a pain in his heart, he would have scoffed and laughed.   
  
Nick _hated_ that tree.  
  
When they had first planted it, he was all for it. He actually felt a small bit of peace, but now whenever he looked at it, it was nothing but a reminder of heartache, pain, loss.   
  
But he pushed aside those feelings as he focused on Ellie who had been outside since early that morning. She sat with her legs up to her chest, arms hugging them to her lightly.   
  
His phone continued to vibrate against the kitchen table but he refused to pick it up. He knew it was messages and missed calls from their family and friends, Nick knew if he answered anything he would just tell them to fuck off with his emotions already heightened. They would be nothing but understanding not taking his words to heart and it'd do nothing but piss him off and make him guilty later.  
  
Nick sighed and picked up the blanket he had snatched off the couch, he made sure to wipe the leftover tears before walking outside.

 

* * *

  
  
  
It felt like there was a giant hole in her heart and chest when she woke up that morning. She only bothered to do the simple bathroom routine before heading to the kitchen to drink water and eat a bagel before going outside. Ellie still in her pajamas sat in front of the tree and had no plans to move for a while.   
  
Tears started falling the second she sat down, soon the tears turned into sobs making her face and eyes red and puffy even hours later.   
  
This tree haunted her but at the same time, it was a connection to her baby. A tree they had all gathered around as it was planted, a tree in memory of a life lost before it even really began.   
  
Ellie felt tears well up in her eyes again as her eyes dropped to the little plaque under the tree.  
  
 _Victoria Eleana Torres_  
  
As she sniffled and rubbed her hand against her nose not caring how gross, something warm was draped along her shoulders.  
  
Ellie didn't look away from the tree as she shifted to lean against Nick who had settled down on the ground beside her. His arm wrapped around her waist, his head tilting to rest on top of hers.  
  
“I'm sorry.” She murmured, voice cracking and stuffy sounding.  
  
“For?” Nick's own voice was rough, a tell tale sign he had been crying himself.  
  
“Being out here all day, for not being with you.”  
  
“Don't worry about it sweetheart.” Nick whispered, pressing a lingering kiss to her head.   
  
“Is it stupid that I miss her so much but never even met her?”   
  
“No, not at all.” A sniffle came from him and it made her throat close up as a wave of sadness hit her for him this time. Her rock, her strength, the one who stood strong when she faltered and broke, it always made her heart ache when he cried. “I miss her too.”  
  
“Can we go see Janice tomorrow?” Ellie asked in a whisper.   
  
“Already made an appointment.”   
  
Ellie loved him so much. When they had first started going to therapy, Nick had been so against it but now here he was making appointments himself and willing to go. It also showed how much the day was affecting him also. She buried herself into his side, his arm tightening around her.   
  
“Nick?”  
  
“Yeah sweetheart?”  
  
“I- do you think- do you think we can try again soon?”  
  
Ellie glanced up to see him take in a deep shaky breath.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Not yet but..I feel like I'm getting there.”  
  
They were both afraid. Afraid that something would happen again. Ellie knew it'd really break them if something went wrong a second time.   
  
She remembered it all so clearly even though it felt like it was a dream. A nightmare. Ellie spent days refusing to get out of bed having to be forced and helped to do everything, it was as if her body shut down. It was a mess of tears and staring at the wall with empty eyes. Nick had cried at night instead of sleeping, and spent the days angry. So very angry. He never once turned his anger on her but she clearly remembered his yelling from different areas of the house, the smashing of things, and even the fist fight he had gotten into with George who had for the most part let Nick hit him, Nick had then broken down for the first time in front of someone other than her (or Gibbs _that day_ at the hospital), letting her brothers crowd him in a group hug.   
  
They were both afraid that a second time she wouldn't have the strength to eventually get out of bed willingly, that he would get consumed by his anger until there was only hate for the world that seemed so against them.   
  
“We'll talk about it later, okay?” He mumbled, hand moving from her waist to run through her hair softly.  
  
Ellie nodded. She knew he would say that, he wanted to talk about it later to see if she'd feel the same when she wasn't overcome with her emotions. Ellie knew she would.   
  
“I'll be right back.” Nick said suddenly, getting up to go inside.  
  
She shot him a confused look but let him go.  
  


* * *

  
Opening up the closet, he went digging all the way in the back until he pulled out a box. Taking a breath and letting it out slowly, he opened it up. There was a mix and match of things inside, filled with things that held memories and meanings.   
  
A picture of him and Sofia at prom, a small toy he and Sofia had stolen when they were young and thought they were so badass because of it, a picture of his parents on their wedding day smiling brightly, Laura's pin, that same picture that was once on his desk, a watch that was his dads, the first drawing Amanda drew him, a picture of Lucia and George at their engagement party, a picture of him and Ellie with Reeves all three of them grinning and sweaty from working out, Reeves’ sunglasses, a picture of him and Ellie with Cody, and a skull keychain from Abby.   
  
Buried under it all was what Nick went for.  
  
He put the box back and gripped the item in his hand. A pink pacifier.   
  
When he was back outside, settled back beside Ellie who took a sharp intake of breath when she saw it.  
  
“Nick?” She said in a small voice.   
  
He smiled sadly but said nothing as he started digging a hole into the soil beneath the tree.   
  
“Do the honors?” Nick whispered, handing it to her.  
  
Ellie sniffled and took it, placing it gently in the hole just deep enough for it. Both of them covering up the hole after with their hands.   
  
Just then Ellie's stomach growled loudly.  
  
They both chuckled wetly, Nick looking at her with a fond smile as he kissed her gently.   
  
“Come on.” Nick stood, holding out his hand for her. Ellie let out a hiss as she stood for the first time in hours, her legs aching from sitting in the same position.   
  
With his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist, they both said their quiet ‘I love you's’ before heading inside slowly. Neither of them noticing how the sun shined directly on the tree, looking as if a halo surrounded it. 

 

* * *

  
  
That night Ellie sat on the edge of the tub, her birth control in hand. She opened the trash and tossed it inside.   
  
“You okay in there babe?” Nick called from outside the door.  
  
Ellie got up and opened the door. “Yeah, I'm fine.”  
  
He nodded and went into the bathroom himself. Ellie crawled into bed with Nick joining minutes later.  
  
“You sure you don't wanna call your mom?” He asked softly, pulling her close. Ellie sighed contently as he wrapped himself around her.  
  
“Yeah..she'll understand..I just don't think I can-” Ellie stopped and swallowed the lump rising in her throat.   
  
Nick rubbed his hand along her back. “It's alright babe, I understand.” He said soothingly.  
  
Ellie relaxed against him.   
  
“I love you.” She whispered.  
  
“I love you too.” He whispered back.  
  
They had gotten through the day together.   
  
The first Mother's Day since they lost their baby.


End file.
